PRESS RELEASE

‘Financial compatibility’ as important as ‘sexual chemistry’ for UK couples as money miscommunication stalls major life plans

11th December 2025

  • Two-thirds (66%) of couples say differing money communication styles cause stress,  delaying major life goals like home ownership and having children

  • Money is still a taboo topic in the UK; Brits are three times more likely to get the ick from money-talk than marriage-chat on a first date

  • Starling Bank’s ‘Let’s Talk Money’ tool helps people find out their money language and better communicate on money matters - roadtested by Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black

11th December 2025 – Three quarters of UK couples (74%) are speaking different ‘money languages’, with different communication styles causing conflict for two-thirds of couples (66%) and delaying major life milestones such as home ownership and starting a family.

As a result, financial compatibility has become a top three priority for people when looking for a partner, alongside sexual compatibility and shared interests, and above shared political and religious beliefs.

A new study of 2,000 UK couples reveals that people have one of seven ‘money languages’, each with varying degrees of compatibility. The study, commissioned by Starling Bank, details how communication issues can be overcome, with relationship expert Hayley Quinn and personal finance expert Ellie Austin-Williams offering guidance on how different languages can better align on money matters.

Introducing: Money languages

Money LanguageTraits% of UK with this money languageThe most stressful money language to be with (1st-5th)Most compatible with
Scarcity MindsetRegular saver; spending makes them uncomfortable32%5th = (Joint least)Acts of Finance Scarcity Mindset
Money Know HowOpen book; makes money work for them23%5th = (Joint least)Acts of Finance Money Know How
Financial AvoidanceHates talking money; buries head in the sand10%1st = (Joint most)Extravagant Affirmation Scarcity Mindset
Protecting PrivacyHides their habits; values independence and control9%3rdMoney Know How Protecting Privacy
Acts of FinanceProvides; shows love by taking financial responsibility9%4thExtravagant Affirmation Money Know How
Lifestyle EnrichmentLives in the moment; spends on experiences now7%1st = (Joint most)Scarcity Mindset Money Know How
Extravagant AffirmationGives generously; connects money to love2%2ndExtravagant Affirmation Money Know How

“We have Love Languages, and now we have Money Languages, which we’ve created to give couples the vocabulary they need to talk about their finances,” said Becca Stroud, personal finance expert at Starling.

Financial feuds

According to Starling’s research, money matters are a significant source of tension, with 76% of all couples arguing about money regardless of their approach to managing their finances. But this figure rises sharply when money languages diverge, with 97% of partnerships between Financial Avoidance and Acts of Finance experiencing conflict over money, followed by 92% of Lifestyle Enrichment and Money Know How pairings.

These clashes often play out in day-to-day arguments between couples, including disagreements over non-essential spending (17%) and how much to save (15%). Different views on finances can also stall major financial decisions; one in seven couples have put off buying a home due to a lack of financial alignment (14%), while one in ten have delayed having children or getting married.

Couples that speak the same money language show below average levels of conflict, including paired Scarcity Mindsets (63%) and Money Know Hows (64%).  But household harmony isn’t limited to couples who are alike; Starling’s study indicates that couples can grow to speak each others’ money language over time, with couples who have been in relationships for ten years or more twice as likely not to argue (29%) than those together for less than ten years (15%).

“I see firsthand how many relationships struggle under the weight of different approaches to money, often leading to financial secrets and frustration. Most UK couples have a different money language, so rather than trying to fundamentally change your approach to money, the key is to understand and respect your partner’s,” said Hayley Quinn, dating coach and relationship expert.

Breaking the taboo

Brits recognise the importance of money conversations, and nearly two-thirds (64%) like the idea of talking more openly about money with their other half.

But Starling’s research suggests money conversations aren’t happening in relationships’ nascent stages, as the topic is still shrouded in taboo. Talking about money on a first date is set to give a quarter of Brits ‘the ick’ (26%) - three times that of those turned off by conversations about marriage or children (8%).

Even established couples are keeping quiet, as over a third (37%) admit to having a financial secret, such as a secret credit card or loan (10%) or hidden savings pot (11%).

Let’s Talk Money

To help couples communicate better and improve their relationship with money, Starling has created a new interactive tool that helps people identify and understand their ‘money language’, and offers advice on how to better communicate with other money languages. The tool aims to strengthen financial communication and help couples build stronger long-term foundations.

Ellie Austin-Williams, personal finance expert, added: “Money is rarely just about the numbers; it’s about our feelings and beliefs. By identifying your money language, you can start to understand why a certain spending habit might be a source of security for you, while it causes anxiety for your partner. It’s the first step to building a shared financial vocabulary and accelerating your shared goals.”

To learn your money language and learn how to better communicate with your partner based on their money language, try the free, interactive Money Language tool, which is live on Starling’s website now.

Money Languages: road tested

Speaking about his own money language, Olympian Tom Daley said, “I love to spend; on other people, gifts for my family, my children, and on experiences. That makes my money language Lifestyle Enrichment, and I truly feel that if spending on something that is going to help you work better, improve your life, or make your loved ones happy, it’s worth it.

“Learning our money languages has been so enlightening; it really feels like opposites attract when it comes to our approaches to finance. While I could be less impulsive, I try to convince Lance to be less frugal, and we meet in the middle to make the perfect team as a couple and as parents.”

On the other hand Tom’s husband, screenwriter and director Dustin Lance Black, said: “With Scarcity Mindset as my money language, I can be seen as the guardrail in the relationship - I wish I could walk into a shop and buy something without checking the price tag! I like to save, but also make sure our family is set up for the future, whatever happens, with funds, smart investments and a frugal approach.

“Learning more about our money languages has helped me understand our relationship even more. We may speak different languages, but we also balance each other out, making us really financially healthy and harmonious!”

Notes to editors 

Additional data: 

Starling commissioned Mortar Research to poll 2,040 national representative respondents who are in a long-term romantic relationship (1+ years) between the 4th and 6th of November 2025.

* Starling’s Money Languages 

Money Know How

You’re an open book, talking about money openly and honestly. You’re known as the one that’s ‘good with money’ - not necessarily because you earn lots of it, but because you’re good at making the money that you do have work for you. You’re often seeking out new trends, tools and techniques. And nothing fazes you – you see money as empowering rather than something to be avoided or feared. Your financial IQ inspires friends and loved ones to get to grips with their own finances and you like to act as their cheerleader. After all, to you, money empowers relationships.

Scarcity Mindset 

You get a sense of security from saving money and having cash in the bank. This means you don’t always enjoy spending money as it can make you feel uneasy and insecure. Necessities, fine. But you often struggle with treating yourself and justifying unplanned, spontaneous costs. While you’re a prudent saver, sometimes this gets in the way of the life you want to lead. Don’t forget generosity and a small degree of frivolous spending (“go on, let’s have another one!”) can be fun. As for luxury items like travel, your “but the bus to the airport works perfectly fine,” attitude may not always click with a partner or travel companion who places comfort and ease higher up on their agenda. Remember to check in with others on their preferences – and don’t assume that everyone is as budget conscious as you.

Financial Avoidance

You prefer to bury your head in the sand when it comes to your finances and hate talking about money – you find it intrusive - and even avoid learning more about your behaviours. You often spend or behave emotionally rather than rationally, even when you know that one simple act, such as checking your bank balance, could stop you from going in the red. Be careful - this could leave your partner, friends and loved ones feeling shut out or like they’re walking on eggshells when bringing up money chat. Remember that money conversations can be as empowering as they can be difficult.

Protecting Privacy

For you, a common theme is that you hide your financial situation from others, whether that’s sneaky savings, spending habits or your salary. Don’t worry, often this is driven by a desire for independence and/or a fear that you could be taken advantage of. However, bear in mind that hiding information from others could come across as distrustful. It’s not always a bad thing, – sometimes you “revenge save” and surprise a friend or loved one with a gift. But if you have financial secrets that are weighing you down, remember that a problem shared can be a problem halved.

Lifestyle Enrichment

‘YOLO’ is your middle name. You enjoy spending money on upping your lifestyle and enjoying every day – whatever the cost. You tend to live in the moment when it comes to decision making and you prefer not to think too far ahead. If you’re in the Gen Z or Millennial generation, perhaps traditional finance goals (like home ownership) feel out of reach, and maybe even less appealing than spending on experiences. ‘Lifestyle Enrichment’s may struggle to relate to people who are thriftier. You place a high value on shared experiences, cutting budgets in other areas to enable this. For some people, this will be the right lifestyle fit for a partner, for others, this could create tension.

Extravagant Affirmation

You love to spend money on others rather than yourself, even if there’s no money to spend. You have an attitude of “nothing is too good” for your partner or friends, and you don’t let pragmatism get in the way of friendships or romance! While this might sound like it’s coming from a place of caring, sometimes this can mask an insecurity that you’re not “enough”. Extravagant Affirmations connect money very strongly to romance and friendships, and strive to make their partner feel cherished. Don’t let your generosity be to your detriment; it’s not about people pleasing, but mutually improving your relationship.

Acts of Finance

You show affection and love through giving and spending money on others, as you believe it’s your responsibility to provide. You try to make sure your loved ones have what they need financially, whether that’s to cover essentials or sometimes even bigger experiences. You may also take a lot of time and effort into selecting gifts for others thoughtfully, as you derive a lot of enjoyment from spending on others and showing them that you really care. You may find it difficult to relate to individuals who are fiercely financially independent and sometimes forget to think about your own needs.

About Starling 

Starling is an award-winning, fully-licensed and regulated bank with a mission to help customers be good with money by taking active control of their finances. It offers personal, business and joint current accounts alongside a children’s card. 

Contact details: 

Starling 

Grace Wilson 

grace.wilson@starlingbank.com 

VCCP Roar

Elodie Lunt

elodie.lunt@vccproar.com

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